nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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