We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My boob is missing a layer of skin
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
