Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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