there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
