I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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