I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
