I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
COCAINE IS GR8
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
