This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
