your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You ate ashes out of my bong
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