I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think my mom watched the whole time
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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