Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
