I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize