just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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