I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
