so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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