thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
