No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize