i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
