ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
