you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
