Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
