ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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