So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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