i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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