he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
