in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
