trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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