I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
