Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
