He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
