Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
