butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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