why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize