I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
