No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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