I wish I only lived at night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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