The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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