I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
