Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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