eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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