I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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