plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this just has baby written all over it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
