i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
