Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
3 2 1 whiskey
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
