Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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