matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
