I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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