I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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