I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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