well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
