1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
