yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
