If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
