Me too!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize