Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
