So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize