if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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