After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
