if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
