The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
