I wannas sexs uuuuu
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
