i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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