"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
